Why trust is so important in domestic employment

One day a domestic helper came to see me about getting a new job. She had just started working for an expatriate family. She had a good reference. She knew her work, after working here for six years or so. Her employer mentioned her devotion to the children, how good her cooking was. The domestic worker (whom I shall call Dora though that is obviously not her real name) told me her employer no longer needs her services. In other words, she did not know the real reason she had to leave. As far as Dora was concerned, everything was just fine.

So, puzzled, I called her employer, if it was true that Dora was good with the kids, was a good cook, etc. Was Madam going home to her country, I asked. Madam said everything she wrote in the reference was true, that Dora was really a good domestic worker. But she felt she could not trust her anymore. Why, I asked, and she explained.

"I saw something that made me uncomfortable. I happened to be in the balcony on the second storey of my house when I saw a motor-cyle rider come up to the gate. In the twinkling of an eye Dora was at the gate to meet him. I saw clearly Dora giving him a small package. I do not know what was inside the package so when I saw Dora later, without telling her what I saw, I merely asked what it was all about. She stammered and stuttered but did not tell me what I wanted to hear. I wondered if she had something to hide and felt that I could not trust her. After all, I hardly knew her as she had been working for me for only two months."

Since Madam did not want to tell Dora her reason for letting her go, I did not tell her either. But why did Madam not want to tell Dora her reason for letting her go? It would be kind to Dora. If she knew the reason for losing the job, then in future she would not make the same mistake. Some employers want to avoid a scene. If she told Dora why she was letting her go, she might make a scene and they would both get upset. Furthermore she was concerned that Dora might do something bad to her or the children.

But looking at it from Madam's point of view, the stranger who comes and lives with her family must be completely trustworthy. In the very beginning, the host family simply hopes that the domestic worker is trustworthy. At least, most employers find it necessary to take a chance to employ a domestic helper that would not steal from them or do something bad. But the trust is not complete. As the days go by, the family will be able to observe the domestic helper's behaviour.

For example, if the domestic helper always returns small change left in the pocket and the family never finds anything missing and is always truthful, then the trust will increase. This trust will take time to establish.

To return to Dora, let us consider what could be in the small package. Was it some article of value such as a watch or a piece of jewellery which her employer had absent-mindedly left on the dressing table? Of course, the employer could immediately check if anything was missing. However, she could only check if she saw the visitor take away something. What happens if the stranger comes when Madam is out? She would not be checking to see if anything is missing. So Madam probably thought "Prevention is better than cure" and decided to let Dora go.